I want to stick my p in your. b.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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