The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
