I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
