it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
