Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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