i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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