Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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