What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
