i just had sex bonerless
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
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