batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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