Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
