He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
