Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Are we still banned from the library?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
