I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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