remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
