he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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