go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
