In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
