Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she pinky promised me she was 18
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
