At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
