Sry I called you an 8
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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