3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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