she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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