Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize