I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
