"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
