I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize