I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
