I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
