My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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