the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
