You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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