So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
