Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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