Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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