ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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