He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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