At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
