Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
love makes seman taste better
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
