I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
