I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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