I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
