Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
