Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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