I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Text me some of your sweat
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