Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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