Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize