I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
