I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
