someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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