He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
