You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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