I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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