Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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