So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He kissed a someone with a penis
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
