masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
