is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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