yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
