great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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