Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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