was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize