i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
