lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We smell like vodka and hangover
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
