I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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