got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
