3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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