Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
