So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize