dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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