that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize