I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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