Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My friends, they love my intelligence
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
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