when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
